learning how to relax

Are You Always Angry? Try These Techniques to Quash Your Aggression

Anger can be a difficult emotion to control, especially if you grew up in a household where it was common to just vent your feelings. If you're having trouble staying civil during arguments with others, here are a few things you can do to help keep your composure.

Ditch Your Punching Bag

It's a commonly accepted assumption that letting your anger out with violent actions will make you feel better. Supposedly, punching a bag or yelling into a pillow will help you calm down and get rid of your aggression by venting all of your pent-up frustrations.

Unfortunately, this is the opposite of true. Not only does releasing your pent up anger not make you any less angry with those around you, but it can form long-term connections in your mind between anger and aggressive behaviors. Every time you get angry, the way you respond is like practicing for the next time. If you allow yourself to be violent, you'll be more likely to get violent in the future. Experts recommend avoiding aggressive behaviors when you are angry and sitting quietly for a few moments instead.

Consider Touch Therapy

Human touch has a surprising ability to soothe and convey emotions, and positive touch is vital for good emotional health. If your stresses are making you irritable and more likely to be angry, a lack of touch in your life could be a contributing factor. 

Patients who receive touch therapy show considerable improvement. Studies have shown that regular massages can cause people to feel less pain, be at a lower risk for depression, form friendships more easily, and just be happier in general. If your anger stems from an inability to relax, it may be a good idea to contact your local massage parlor.

Write Letters to the Trash Can

When you're quietly seething at someone over a disagreement, it can be hard to calm down. You might feel like you need to voice your concerns, but you're too angry to do so, or the moment has passed. In these situations, you may feel some relief by writing an angry letter. In your letter, spell out everything that frustrates you about the other person's behavior. Try to be as honest about your feelings as possible. When it's finished, give it a read over and throw it away.

That isn't to say you shouldn't resolve conflicts with people who have upset you. Writing the letter actually helps you put your concerns into words, which will make them easier to bring up later when you've calmed down. It's important to think of this exercise as throwing away your aggression, but not necessarily your concerns.

Anger management isn't something you learn in a day, but trying different techniques is the first step to self-improvement. With enough effort, you'll eventually be able to stay calm even in the most maddening circumstances.